�！�！我们赢了！……呃……真的吗？

毫不留情：�！�！我们赢了！……呃……真的吗？

净选盟2.0今天在国家皇宫觐见最高元首后表示，将会在体育馆举行一场为了选举改革的集会，而不是在街上。净选盟2.0主席拿督安美佳（Ambiga Sreenevasan）对记者表示，「我们接受政府的提议，在体育馆举行这场示威，我们将不会在街上举行。」


拿督：丹斯里！

丹斯里：镇定点，拿督……吵什麽？什么事？

拿督：丹斯里，我有些好消息。

丹斯里：啊～这次又是什麽搞头？安美佳已经移民？已经申请澳洲公民权了？

拿督：不是啦，丹斯里，比这个还要好的消息。

丹斯里：还有什麽比安美佳离开大马还要好的消息？

拿督：净选盟大游行没了……取消了。

丹斯里：嗯嗯……这当然是个好消息，怎么会这样？

拿督：安美佳今天下午觐见最高元首，结果净选盟决定取消街头游行，同时以体育馆集会取代。

丹斯里：陛下同意会见安美佳？

拿督：是的。

丹斯里：这既表示陛下承认了净选盟？

拿督：看来是这样。

丹斯里：也即是说，我们再也不能禁止净选盟了。

拿督：为什麽不可以，丹斯里？

丹斯里：哎呀……如果陛下已经正式会见净选盟，这将表示陛下承认了净选盟。

拿督：然后？

丹斯里：然后，这就表示我们不能禁止净选盟，如果不是这样，陛下就犯了与非法组织合谋的罪状，我们就得使用内安法令逮捕陛下。

拿督：哦……我没想过这点。

丹斯里：是啊……这就是为什麽你只是一个拿督，而我是丹斯里。

拿督：这也表示我们不能宣称净选盟是由共产党和犹太人在背后发起的，要不然陛下就犯了与共产党和犹太人合作的罪状。

丹斯里：现在你明白啦，这怎么可以当成是好消息呢？

拿督：陛下没想过吗？哎呀……怎么这么笨？

丹斯里：喂！这是叛国罪，你不能说最高元首笨。

拿督：不，我不是这个意思，我是说我们怎么这样笨，让最高元首会见安美佳。

丹斯里：可是，是我们把最高元首拖下水的，我们怎能防止最高元首会见净选盟呢？

拿督：是咯，我们犯下的大错是最高元首发出的声明。

丹斯里：喂！讲话小心一点！

拿督：对不起，我的意思是说，叫最高元首发出这个声明是一项大错。

丹斯里：这还差不多，别说是我们替最高元首写的这篇声明。

拿督：OK啦，可是至少街头游行取消了……现在缩小到只剩下体育馆的集会。

丹斯里：你认为会有多少人参与这个集会？

拿督：不肯定，也许有十万人……也可能是二十万。现在这再也不是非法集会了，因此再也不会被逮捕，应该会有更多人出来。那些原本害怕出来的人现在会出来，因为安全了。谁知道？也可能会是三十万人。

丹斯里：三十万人要如何把它们的车子停泊在体育馆？

拿督：喔……不行啦，停车场容纳不下三十万人，他们必须把它们的车子停泊在别处，再步行到体育馆……或搭乘公共交通。

丹斯里：也即是说，他们要到体育馆就将得步行，对吗？

拿督：对啊～

丹斯里：这既是说，他们将游行到体育馆，而不是最高元首的皇宫，对吗？

拿督：是的，是这样……喔……我明白你的意思了。

丹斯里：是的，这就是我的意思。结果，游行还是照跑，只是现在变成了合法游行，而不是非法游行，他们将游行到体育馆，而不是皇宫，而我们什麽也不能做，因为最高元首已经同意了这件事，我们再也不能逮捕游行者。

拿督：哎呀！这是一场灾难，我们被骗了。怎办？丹斯里。

丹斯里：我们能做什麽？最高元首已经让净选盟合法化，双方也同意在体育馆举行合法聚会，因为也许会出现大量的群众，他们无法驾驶到体育馆，可是将会穿着黄衣步行到体育馆。

拿督：死咯！

丹斯里：是的，死定了。更糟的是，如果他们照原定计划，我们能禁止净选盟，并宣布它危害社会和对国家安全造成威胁，可是，现在我们不能碰它们，我们甚至不 能在7月9日逮捕任何人，因为这场集会是合法的，而更多人会出来，他们再也不害怕，而巫青团和土权不能因为反对净选盟而去街上示威，如果他们这样做就会遭 到逮捕。

拿督：阿拉妈，我们不能碰净选盟的游行队伍，可是却需要逮捕巫青团和土权的游行队伍，而凯里已经说过，如果净选盟取消街头游行，他将准备与他们合作，结果，巫青团现在必须支持净选盟在体育馆的集会了。

丹斯里：完全正确，现在你知道为什麽我是丹斯里，而你只不过是一个拿督了吗？

拿督：这意味这我们也不能要求最高元首剥夺安美佳的公民权了。

丹斯里：要怎样剥夺公民权？因为听从最高元首的话，取消街头游行，并在体育馆聚会？就像纳吉叫他们做的那样吗？

拿督：我有自觉，我觉得我们会被……开除。

丹斯里：哎呀……出去出去，我想冷静一下。我需要准备好辞职信。

拿督：我该怎办？丹斯里。

丹斯里：我建议你去写好辞职信，这件事之后纳吉会要我们两人的人头。

出处∶Malaysia Today
原题∶No Hold Barred∶Yeh! Yeh! Kita menang!…hmm…or did we?
作者∶拉惹柏特拉
日期∶06-07-2011
翻译∶西西留

原版：：：

NO HOLDS BARRED

Raja Petra Kamarudin

Datuk: Tan Sri!

Tan Sri: Calm down, Datuk….apa hal bising sangat ni?

Datuk: I have some good news, Tan Sri.

Tan Sri: Ah, what is it this time? Ambiga has migrated and has applied for Australian citizenship? 

Datuk: No lah, Tan Sri. Better than that.

Tan Sri: What can be better than Ambiga leaving Malaysia?

Datuk: The BERSIH march is off…cancelled…batal.

Tan Sri: Hmm…that is certainly good news. How come?

Datuk: Ambiga had an audience with the Agong this afternoon and BERSIH has agreed to cancel the street march and hold a rally in the stadium instead.

Tan Sri: His Majesty agreed to meet Ambiga?

Datuk: Yes.

Tan Sri: So that means His Majesty recognises BERSIH?

Datuk: Looks like it.

Tan Sri: So that means we can’t ban BERSIH then.

Datuk: Why not, Tan Sri?

Tan Sri: Aiyah...if His Majesty had an official meeting with BERSIH this would mean His Majesty recognises BERSIH. 

Datuk: So?

Tan Sri: So it means we can’t ban BERSIH. If not then His Majesty would be guilty of collaborating with an illegal organisation and we would have to arrest His Majesty under the Internal Security Act.

Datuk: Oh…I never thought of that.

Tan Sri: Yes…and that’s why you are a mere Datuk while I am a Tan Sri.

Datuk: That also means we cannot allege that BERSIH is backed by the Communists and Jews. If not then His Majesty would be guilty of working with the Communists and Jews.

Tan Sri: Now you are getting it. So how can that be good news?

Datuk: Didn’t His Majesty think of this? Aiyah…why so stupid?

Tan Sri: Hey, that is seditious. You can’t call the Agong stupid.

Datuk: No, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant it was stupid of us to allow the Agong to meet Ambiga.

Tan Sri: But we dragged the Agong into this. So how can we prevent the Agong from meeting BERSIH?

Datuk: Ia lah. We made a big mistake in issuing that statement from the Agong.

Tan Sri: Hey! Cakap baik sikit!

Datuk: Sorry, I meant we made a big mistake in asking the Agong to issue that statement.

Tan Sri: That’s better. Don’t ever say we issued that statement on behalf of the Agong.

Datuk: Okay lah, but at least the street march is off…now it’s been reduced to just a rally in a stadium.

Tan Sri: How many people do you think will attend the rally?

Datuk: Not sure. Maybe 100,000…could even be 200,000. Now that it is no longer an illegal assembly and there is no danger of arrests many more people may turn out. Those who were initially afraid to turn out may now turn out since it is safe. Mana tahu? Could even be 300,000 people.

Tan Sri: How would 300,000 people park their cars at the stadium?

Datuk: Oh, cannot lah. There is not enough car park space for 300,000 people. They will have to park their cars elsewhere and walk to the stadium…or take public transport.

Tan Sri: So, to get to the stadium they will have to walk, right?

Datuk: That’s right.

Tan Sri: Which means they will be marching to the stadium instead of marching to the Agong’s palace, right?

Datuk: Yes, that’s right…oh…I see what you mean.

Tan Sri: Yes, that’s what I mean. So the march is still on then. Only now it is a legal march, not an illegal march. And they will march to the stadium instead of to the palace. And we can’t do anything about it because the Agong has agreed to this. We can no longer arrest the marchers.

Datuk: Aiyah! This is a disaster. We got tricked. What to do, Tan Sri?

Tan Sri: What can we do? His Majesty has just given BERSIH legitimacy and it has been agreed that a legal rally can be held in the stadium and because of the huge crowd that may turn out they cannot drive to the stadium but will have to march there dressed in yellow shirts. 

Datuk: Mampus! 

Tan Sri: Yes, mampus. This is even worse. At least if they proceeded with the original plan we can ban BERSIH and declare it a menace to society and a threat to nation security. Now we can’t touch them. We can’t even arrest anyone on 9th July. And because the rally is legal more people will come out. They are not scared any more. And Umno Youth and PERKASA can’t march on the streets in opposition to BERSIH. If they do we will have to arrest them.

Datuk: Alamak. We can’t touch the BERSIH marchers but will have to arrest the Umno Youth and PERKASA marchers. And Khairy already said if BERSIH cancels the street march he is prepared to work with them. So Umno Youth must now support the BERSIH rally at the stadium. 

Tan Sri: Exactly. Now you know why I am a Tan Sri and you are just a Datuk?

Datuk: And that means we can’t also ask the Agong to revoke Ambiga’s citizenship.

Tan Sri: Revoke citizenship for what? For obeying the Agong by cancelling the street march and by holding a rally at the stadium like how Najib asked them to?

Datuk: Somehow I think we have been had…suckered big time.

Tan Sri: Aiyah…please get out of here and leave me alone. I need to draft my resignation letter. 

Datuk: What should I do, Tan Sri?

Tan Sri: I suggest you also go draft your resignation letter. Najib will want both our heads on a silver platter after this.